Have Your Cake and Burn It Too

DETECTIVE COMICS #240: The Hero Maker

As if J’onn’s life wasn’t already a minefield for disaster, today is the last day on the force for its oldest officer, Pat Brady. But it’s Detective Jones’s day off! He should just stay home, surrounded by fire extinguishers. Alas, he does not. As he walks over to congratulate Pat on his 40 years of police work, he becomes startled and dizzy at a guy who is outside just burning something.

Just standing next to a big ol’ fire. Oh that’s right, fire is a martian’s weakness. Thank you for the reminder, I had forgotten.

He approaches Pat and finds him to be rather bummed about retirement because in 40 years he has never made the headlines or made a big important arrest. John feels bad, and as they part, a truck drives by that John recognizes as one reported in a robbery. He uses some Martian vision to see the priceless stolen goods in the back, then some “space lightning” shoots from his eyes, melting the tire and crashing the truck. The spry criminals make a run for it, as Pat Brady gives chase. John uses his lung power to stop their escape and hurray! Pat arrests them! And now he’s on the FRONT PAGE OF THE LATE EDITION NEWSPAPER!

A bit later, as Pat reads the paper, John is apparently just following him around in his invisible form. They walk past a chemical plant where John just hears some clinking noises and determines that someone must be breaking into a safe inside. And he’s right! The crooks are about to take a blow torch to the safe when J’onn, through sheer will makes it fall through the floor.

Unfortunately the blow torch falls too and saps his strength. As he does, the crooks make a run for it and J’onn worries that Pat Brady will not be able to stop them by his old, useless self. Stupid old people! I don’t know what made Pat come inside this chemical plant, but there he is.

J’onn attempts to turn the torch off but passes out and falls down a shipping chute, where he stays for three freakin’ hours. When he finally gets up, he hurries to the station, worried that Pat Brady is seriously injured. But he’s not! They’re throwing a party for him!

John asked how he defeated the safe robbers and Pat explains with a horrifying expression that he threw some pumice powder in to a fan and blew it at them.

Holy shit, what? Don’t you guys just have guns or something, I mean my god. Pumice powder and a fan?

Pat asks John to help him blow out the candles on his cake and John is like for real guys? How many fiery cakes I gotta fucking run away from around here?

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